My two favourite bands couldn’t be more of a study in contrasts. Led Zeppelin was a hard-rocking, drug-taking, groupie-banging maelstrom of bombastic sound. U2’s music, on the other hand, is infused with spirituality, soaring melodies, and the quest for a connection with a higher power.
And yet I love them both. Which is why I think it’s important to celebrate many different styles of music, from the highly spiritual to the down-and-dirty. And how better to do so than by comparing and contrasting one band of self-professed Christian rockers with another band that was plagued throughout their career by lurid tales of dark arts and devil worship.
Now, I’m not trying to turn this into an epic battle between the forces of Good and Evil…but just for the hell of it, I wonder who would win? Clearly the only way to judge is by employing the objective powers of Science to sort it out.
Therefore, I will be examining each band based on a variety of categories, and
totally choosing my favourites utilizing a highly scientifical method that is not at all biased in order to establish the winner in each category. Points from all of the categories will be tabulated at the conclusion of our study to determine the ultimate victor. So without further ado, I present to you our first category:
Robert Plant was an unquestionably amazing singer and front man. His at-times-otherworldly howl was obviously a major contributing factor to Zep’s heavy, rollicking sound. And no matter what the lyrics were, it always seemed like he was really just singing about getting into some girl’s pants. At least, that’s what many of Zep’s songs sound like to me. Also, I think we must acknowledge Robert Plant’s excellent stage attire, which often involved flowery women’s blouses, no doubt pilfered from the closets of his latest conquests.
POINTS AWARDED: 20 for the howl, 10 for the sexin’, and 25 for the women’s shirts. Total = 55 points.
I went into this thinking that Bono was going to be the clear winner, but now I’m not so sure. A pretty good case can be made on Robert Plant’s behalf, I think. I may have just talked myself into switching sides. We will have to wait and see how the points tally up. Anyway, here’s what Bono brings to the table: awesome spirit, gregarious personality, and in-your-face enthusiasm. All excellent qualities in a front man. And his voice! So pure, and beautiful. I find U2’s songs so inspirational in a spiritual sense, and much of that has to do with Bono’s ringing tenor.
When it comes to his look, I was not so much a fan of Joshua Tree-era Bono:
But I very much enjoy ’80s new wave Bono:
POINTS AWARDED: 10 for the personality, -10 for the leather vest, and 60 for the voice. Total = 60 points.
Well! It looks as though Bono has the slight edge in the end, on the basis of his awesome pipes. What can I say? You can’t argue with Science.
Join us soon for our next installment in this epic showdown between two of the greatest bands of all time…